That obsessive behavior of yours stems from your need to validate your self-worth. Holding on to whatever it is and thinking that it could mean more than what it is are vain attempts to make yourself believe that you could be special and different. All you need to do is accept the plain truth and stop lingering on whatever it is. No one can help you. Remember, you are the one in charge of your own mental health.

My new life does deserve its own blog post.

Never thought that I would work for our national oil and gas company. It sounded too good to be true anyway, but it happened. After few months of waiting, countless sleepless nights and moments of despair, I am a woman in yellow.

Instead of moving to a bigger city, I went backward. Instead of living the corporate dream, I have been doing things I thought I couldn't and wouldn't. All these do frustrate me at one point or another, but that is life - give and take. I choose to focus on the big picture and the money. In fact, I am gonna confess that I prefer working over studying. I am not gonna lie.. money makes my world go round.

My new life couldn't be anymore simple and routine. I am certain that one day I will look back with great nostalgia.

This is ridiculous. I am going crazy soon.

Very often, we give people advices. It is so much easy to tell them to move on blahblahblah when they constantly dwell on the past. But one day, when the same thing happens to you, then you will realize it is not easy to just move on. You will experience the same - anger, sadness, unfairness and helplessness. No amount of words can heal the disappointment until you have taken enough time and will to pick yourself up on your own.

I think I am too good. At times, I get overconfident and underestimate others. I just have to learn my lesson(s) the hard way. Deal with the failure like a real man. 

 In the past, I held firmly on to the belief that "If he wants me, he has to accept and love me for who I are." In fact, I always dished out that advice to comfort my girlfriends. However, I now start to have a different way of seeing it. So what is it so bad to improve yourself if the request is reasonable and it makes u a better person? Unfortunately, many people still opt to rationalize their lack of initiative to improve and end up being unhappy when the ones they care walk out of their lives. 

People who don't feel they are good enough always whine. Then others will come and say things like 'be yourself', 'your friends are the problem, not you', 'the right person will accept you for the real you'. Great right ? The problem is with other who don't see the real you. It's not your problem. Just continue being the imbalanced you.  We must always improve. There is always a better version of you if you are willing to strive for it. If you see a girl you like, then be the better guy that is worthy of her love. Don't give lazy excuses like she will come around and accept me for who i am. Positive thinkers think of it as improvements. Negative thinkers think of it as changing to impress others. You want to stay who you are fine, but if she or people never come around to accept you, don't be bitter and say they look down on you. Your happiness is your own responsibility, other people are just busy looking after theirs. 

- killdavid, a forum poster

Living in East Malaysia is such a pain. HQ of most the MNCs are located in Singapore or West Malaysia. There is no way I can attend any interview process without flying there. 

My first ever application that instantly gets me shortlisted for an interview now has to be rescheduled because I can't just travel down south or hop on a bus hoping to reach my destination in half an hour because I am technically overseas. Duh.

I guess what I really enjoy or look forward to is the feeling, knowing that u are soon boarding a flight. Doesn't matter where the destination is gonna be, u can always imagine it as a mysterious or exotic unknown place where u are gonna take a break from ur familiar surroundings, launch a series of adventures which includes making new friends. In life, u will never know how the journey ahead is gonna surprise u until u look back one day.

So sad that my baby isn't joining though :(

It's finally December, my most favourite month of the year!!! The only difference is I am not at home lazing the whole month away as wished.

As usual, I am getting all sentimental. I think about the past and the future. And I am full of hopes.

Life is beautiful. There are many more new things and people I am going to experience and meet. I mustn't lose hopes, no matter how frustrated I feel at any point of my life!

(Is currently drinking hot coffee, listening to Christmas songs and enjoying the Irish weather)

You can't change other people. Instead, what you can do - change yourself.

Adjust your expectations.

DON'T GO WITH THE FLOW, go with what suits you the best.

Stay away from people who you think are bad for your well-being.

Manage your time and other resources according to your very own needs.

Never let anyone decide and affect your emotions.

Do something about it if something goes wrong, instead of whining.

Afterall, you are the one that should be held responsible for your own life.

It's simple, yet some people simply can't understand it.

It's okay *pats myself on the back* I paling berdendam, I will make sure u pay for it.

Bencinyer mek nangga muka juniors yang sesat, particularly at the library, CAIS.

For the past three years I have been using CAIS, it has always been tidy to a certain extent. Books are always arranged on their respective shelves which enabled people to search for them easily. Now, it is so messy that the books are no longer at where they should be. Some people are too much of a lazy ass that after using them, they never returned the books to the original shelves. Instead, they just left the books on the table. How am I supposed to find the books I want when only god knows where they are placed? This drives a book lover with OCD very angry.

Also, they rob me of my favourite place. A place where I concentrate to do my works thanks to its serenity is now gone.

New Semester. New Beginning.

I vow to try my best in everything and leave the past behind.

P/S: My FYP supervisor gave me the most important piece of advice this morning, which is be confident about what you are doing. Although his accent is hard to grasp, I promise to love him and our research with all my heart. Lol.

Un-break my heart :(

#8

If I ain't got what I want at the end of the day, why should I bother?

#7

What's there to think about? I like you, you like me (or you just don't know it yet). And you can always change your mind further down the road but we can deal with that later.

- an online poster

Getting so bent up of shape because of it...

Grow up! :( Do whatever it takes to reverse the situation if u think it is alarming!

And stop acting like a 12 y/o who sulks whenever he doesn't get his favourite toy. It isn't going to help.

...

Bitch, I am going to hunt u down!!!!!!! :(

Been told that I should never get my hopes high or else I would be thoroughly crestfallen if things don't work out at the end of the day.

Aargh, aargh.. need to stop worrying so much but ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!!! I've put in all my efforts, schemed and weighed every possibilities.. of course I expect something in return.

Head is now full of fantasies about the rewards that come with it.. muahahahaha

Bloody nerve. Am going berserk if I don't achieve it. I want it soooooo badly. Grrrr

UPDATE: Goal achieved!!! XD XD XD

This blog is redundant..

Whenever I want to bitch about someone, I will turn to my private blog. Not that I am too much of a coward to do it openly, I simply refuse to feed people the attention they crave for.

Also, don't expect me to entertain u with my sense of humour as I have none to begin with. U are lucky that I am going to post about my emotional turmoils from time to time though.

Lastly, nothing too personal will be posted.. DUH!

Happy New Year!

Gelukkig Nieuwjaar...

Ik wens iedereen een gezond an gelukkig 2010!!!